Archives: The Ball Drop

My Top Models

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The Mercedes-Benz Fashion Week Spring 2014 runway shows start today!  This means very little to pretty much the entire world.  As far as I’m concerned, unless Miss Piggy, Zoolander, or David Gandy are modeling the clothes, I can’t be bothered.  (Fly, David, fly – on your wings made of flannel blankets.)

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Gandy

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I Touch Myself

Fuck Cancer

Enough said.

It’s World Cancer Day.  Please, take a vow today to touch yourself more often.  Not because you’re pervy (though I’m fine with that, too), but because your fingers are the ten best tools for early detection and could mean the difference between life and death.  Get a bottle of wine, draw a bath, and get to know your body.  I beg you.

It’s like the Divinyls said:

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Tree Hugger

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Is there a point at which it’s no longer acceptable to have your Christmas tree up?  Is it St. Patrick’s Day?  Easter?  4th of July?

I went plastic years ago, and it just makes it so much harder to pack up the tree after Christmas.  I mean, there’s no carpet of needles on the floor.  It’s not going to dry out and burn down my apartment building because it’s indestructible.  My cat hasn’t peed in the tree stand because there isn’t one.   Help me.  I don’t know what to do, AND I’M AFRAID NO MAN WILL EVER LOVE ME BECAUSE I HAVE AN UNHEALTHY ATTACHMENT TO MY CHRISTMAS TREE.

Signed,

Someone who’s hoping to have a boyfriend by Valentine’s Day.

PS – Please don’t judge my crooked table lamp.

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Mad Love

Love Mad Lib

It’s February.  The scent of Valentines and desperation in the air is making me amorous.  I am Wookin’ Pa Nub, baby.

So why not have a little fun with this Mad Libs love story printable.  To this day, I still love Mad Libs.  There’s nothing funnier than inappropriate verb usage, amiright?!

Have fun with this downloadable Mad Lib or why not make up your own?
I’d love to hear one of your favorite love stories in the comments below!
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Be Art or Wear It

Be a Work of Art

It’s New York Fashion Week…again…somehow it feels like it’s ALWAYS NY Fashion Week. I’ve barely recovered from the whiplash of the Pilgrim Hat slash Fembot Leotard uprising of 2013, and here we go again!  While we wait to see what trends we’ll all be bowing to this year, please feel free to have a laugh at these runway looks!

(Quote via Phrases and Philosophies, 1894)

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NFL Bad Lip Reading

Tears. Streaming. Down. My. Face.

Happy almost-Superbowl, everyone!

How are you planning to celebrate (or boycott)?  This year I have choreographed a very special cheerleading routine which I will perform every time I get the perfect chip to dip ratio in my gullet.  And possibly also each time I manage to remember which teams are playing.

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Let’s Take the Stairs

Empire State Building Construction

Just thinking about this makes me a little nauseous.  Next week is the 37th Annual Empire State Building Run-Up event.  Around 500 runners will race up 86 flights (1,576 stairs), take a lap around the observation deck, and then collapse at the feet of the nearest elevator operator (or that would be me anyway).  The fastest runners do it in 10 minutes.  They are obviously aliens (Kelly Ripa ran it last year, and it’s a well-known fact that she’s an alien).

Most of the runners are professional staircase or tower runners (that’s an actual thing), but there are about 200 “normal” folks who do it for charity.  And because they are missing the part of their brains that should tell them this is crazy.

Photos from previous run-up events …AFTER THE JUMP!

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Happy Disc Jockey Day

DJ Crowd

Time for another edition of WonderWeird Holidays!  Happy Disc Jockey Day, folks!

According to the website Days of the Year, “Respect needs to be paid to Disc Jockeys of all levels from velvet suited wedding crooners to international superstars.”  I suspect those guys get enough bridesmaid skirt that they don’t really need my respect, but I’m willing to go along with this for that kid playing on turntables in his basement.

You HAVE to check out this list from Forbes of the highest paid DJ’s.  You will seriously NOT believe how much Pauly D from Jersey Shore makes a year.  That guy could afford enough hair product to style the Kardashian offspring for the next 2 millenia.

 

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Santa(con) is Coming To Town

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One of my favorite days of the year is coming up this weekend …MORE AFTER THE JUMP!

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Life is a Circus

Circus 9

Some would argue that the holidays are the busiest time of year – things to tie up at work before year-end, families to tolerate, booze to drink, and Christmas trees to hump.  December is, in short, one big circus.  Which actually got me thinking about …READ MORE AFTER THE JUMP!

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