It’s June. Which means summer is nigh, and soon kids will be out of school having all the fun. Seriously. They have ALL.THE.FUN . – running around barefoot, rubbing their freedom in your face, while you have to go to work to pay the bills.
But, in your darkest hour of despair, keep this one thing in mind: there are still things only adults can do during the summer. Neener neener neener.
Here are 10 ways to enjoy summer as an adult:
Stay Out Past Your Bedtime. Remember how your mom used to call you inside from that epic game of tag when the sun went down? What a buzzkill. Well, now you can stay outside all night. So go necking at the drive-in or sleep under the stars! Just, uh, remember: no hickies. You’re a grown-up, and everyone knows there’s only one reason you’d be wearing a turtleneck in the summer.
Blow This Popsicle Stand. Kids get to go to camp, but you? You can go wherever the heck you want without an adult chaperone. Go to the woods, go to the beach, go to that infectious diseases conference you’ve been wanting to check out, wherever! You are an explorer!
Enjoy Nature, Drink Outside. All kinds of drinks – fruity, stiff, or fizzy – taste better outside. This is the kind of scientific fact that’s so obvious it doesn’t need back-up. Find a nice porch – if you don’t have one, borrow one – and relax into a couple of rocking chairs with your good friends, Gin and Tonic (or Strawberry and Lemonade, if that’s more your speed).
Buy Your Own Damn Ice Cream. You know how kids are always chasing down the ice cream truck like cheetas in the wild? It’s pathetic, right? Well, adults don’t have wait around for ice cream because we’re baller. It’s the bank accounts that separate the men from the boys. You can buy your own damn ice cream.
Play With Fire. You know what kids can’t do? Play with fire! What a bunch of lame-o’s. Adults can totally play with fire. So grab the lighter fluid and build a bonfire! Then tell a ghost story. A dirty one. Because you’re an adult who’s probably had sex! Woohoo, adulthood!
Do The Sprinkler. Running like a maniac through the sprinkler might be what kids do, but because you are a respectable adult who, like, spent time on their hair and stuff – take your beach cover-up to the club, and dance. You and that sprinkler move from the 80s will be the life of the party.
Watch All The R Rated Movies. Summer is for blockbusters. We wait all year for these mega action movies, but guess what? Kids aren’t allowed to see all of them. You know who can? That’s right, you are catching on, YOU. Go watch all the scary, sexy, serious, adult content movies you want.
Price Tag, You’re It. Tag was fun, once. But who has the energy to run around like that anymore? And in this heat? Forget it. Adults can still have fun playing tag though. Ahem, price tag, that is. There are sales all summer long. Run (who are we kidding, walk) out there and find them!
Build a Treehouse. Okay, let’s just be honest. Kids don’t build tree houses, adults do. So build your own FAO treehouse – FOR ADULTS ONLY. Put a bouncer out front.
Put Your Money on the Table. What better way to ride out those summer thunderstorms than by playing a game of poker? But screw playing with marbles and matchsticks like little kids. Bring your checkbook. Let’s make this interesting.
Enjoy yourself this summer! And if you find yourself still feeling jealous of those kids, just remember: in September they have to go back to school…Remember school?! Yeah. Suckers.
Amy likes to draw and write. Follow her on Tumblr where she makes poorly animated gifs and Harry Potter fan art. http://amymariestad.tumblr.com!
Photo Source: Flickr Member hastingsgraham