Hipster Tell-All

Girl Dancing

I am super fantastic at making up hipster band names on the spot. I just showed it off at a party this past weekend, and people clapped (a LOT of people).  How does one make up an HBN, you ask?

First, you must be surrounded by hipsters who demand to know what you’re listening to. (The Beatles is simply not going to cut it. Did you just say Maroon 5??????) .  Panic will guide you.  Exhibit A:

(It’s really just a mix of nouns and adjectives.)

  1. Five!: That exclamation mark means everything. And if you’re trying to hold your own at a hipster house party, you get to say “No, no, it’s five with an exclamation point at the end.  They’re being ironic and totally ripping on Panic! At the Disco. Remember them? Sooo awful, right?” (You cannot say ‘amiright?’ There’s no joking. People are reading Proust at this hipster party for godsake. Get it together.) (Also you can’t say getittogether)
  2. Double Double: This is so Hipsterish I could scream. Double Double. It’s three bandmates; Edwin, Alex and Jason. Javier used to play bass but he moved to San Fran. You HAVE TO SAY SAN FRAN. OMG, HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF DOUBLE DOUBLE?
  3. Red First Red: Let me tell you, this band is deeeeeep. I mean the name! Don’t you get it? Red First Red? God, it’s like that poem by Frost and Virginia Woolf and did I mention I know who Proust is? Do you know who Proust is? Red First Red is all of those things but in audio. I don’t think you get it.
  4. Loudest Monkey: Sure, they sounds childish and they’re kind of funky and the lead singer looks like that guy who is at every party and STILL rocks a PacSun hemp necklace, but they’re really fun. And actually, if you listen enough, pretty philosophical.  It’s the guilty pleasure band that no one will admit to listening to, because THEY DON’T EXIST.

 

Do you see what happens? Imagine now, being at a party, overwhelmed by the laconic hipsters who are cracking open canned beer (WHAT???) and asking what you’ve done with your weekend. You know that telling them you NetFlixed ALL of the original Law and Order seasons won’t do you any favors. So instead, you create a world where Double Double’s lead singer was at a bar in your area and you totally bought him a drink.

And you realize making up hipster band names on the spot is the least of your problems.

Rebecca is an actual English Major who, you guessed it, is not now a famous, published author, but rather some one who gets a little uncomfortable when she meets Engineers/Doctors/Attorneys who ask what her major was in college. However, Rebecca Forman knows EXACTLY where to place a comma.  You can follow her on her blog beckyformanart.blogspot.com!

Photo Source: The Blogazine

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