The Inner Monologue of a Toddler Using a Smartphone
What babies are REALLY thinking while they drool all over your phone…
What!? My Gymboree class was canceled AGAIN? Damnit, I really needed to work on my quads. These people don’t respect me or my time!
My nanny and I have a date at FAO Schwartz this afternoon, and here I am buried in my inbox. I want to crawl on the giant piano and scream inconsolably – TODAY! Plus I totally forgot that I have to get that sailor costume tailored before Mom’s Spring Fling office party. We CANNOT have a repeat of last year’s Christmas fiasco.
Emails! It never stops! How do I unsubscribe? I haven’t used delivery.com since they refused to deliver breast milk.
Ugh, and my Twitter feed. Stop trying to make #lostmypacifier a thing. Don’t you other babies care that they canceled Community?
What? Why are you staring at me, Mom? I get it – you’re also kind of a big deal and I have boogers on my fingers, but I swear I won’t lick the charging port this time. Just let me finish this game of Minecraft before you…
Hey, hey, why are you taking the phone away from me? I am an important business baby and I will crush anyone who stands in my – ooooo, Cheerios.
Adam thinks he’s a writer. He kindly requests that you pretend he’s a sleepwalker and don’t wake him up from this delusion. You can follow him on Twitter at @FakeAdamCecil.
Photo Source: Flickr