The Inner Monologue of a Toddler Using a Smartphone

Baby on Phone 3

What babies are REALLY thinking while they drool all over your phone…

What!? My Gymboree class was canceled AGAIN? Damnit, I really needed to work on my quads.  These people don’t respect me or my time!

My nanny and I have a date at FAO Schwartz this afternoon, and here I am buried in my inbox. I want to crawl on the giant piano and scream inconsolably – TODAY!  Plus I totally forgot that I have to get that sailor costume tailored before Mom’s Spring Fling office party. We CANNOT have a repeat of last year’s Christmas fiasco.

Emails! It never stops! How do I unsubscribe? I haven’t used delivery.com since they refused to deliver breast milk.

Ugh, and my Twitter feed.  Stop trying to make #lostmypacifier a thing.  Don’t you other babies care that they canceled Community?

What? Why are you staring at me, Mom? I get it – you’re also kind of a big deal and I have boogers on my fingers, but I swear I won’t lick the charging port this time.  Just let me finish this game of Minecraft before you…

Hey, hey, why are you taking the phone away from me? I am an important business baby and I will crush anyone who stands in my – ooooo, Cheerios.

Adam thinks he’s a writer.  He kindly requests that you pretend he’s a sleepwalker and don’t wake him up from this delusion. You can follow him on Twitter at @FakeAdamCecil.

Photo Source: Flickr

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