How May We Hate You?

Pretty Woman

I saw a funny post on twitter recently that said something like “if you’re staying in a hotel, your life is either at its best or at its worst.”  Ain’t that the truth!  I’ve stayed in a whole lot of hotels – both good and bad.  When I’m on the road shooting a show, I usually end up in places that make the Bates Motel look like the Taj Mahal.  (Also the lower the Travelocity rating of a hotel, the more likely I am to make poor moral judgements while in its care.)  But I’ve also stayed in some lovely hotels – and, well, nothing beats a fancy mattress and a shrimp cocktail.

Except, perhaps, being the concierge of said hotel.  If it’s anything at all like these two hotel concierges describe, it is quite possibly the most hilarious job on the planet.

You’ve gotta check out this tumblr site – “How May We Hate You?” – for completely true stories as told by two hotel concierges in Times Square.  A few of my favorite posts below!


GUEST: We wanna do 2 things today: Eiffel Tower, and 9/11.


GUEST: Can you tell me where the museum of the life-like dolls is?  The Museum of things that look like children?

I can. But I won’t.

CONCIERGE: I’m sorry, but that restaurant is fully committed for the night.
GUEST: Can you call back and say you’re the concierge of a better hotel?

Again, Concierge =/= Pharmacist

GUEST: My doctor wrote me these prescriptions. Can I fill them with you?

Stranger Danger

40 YR-OLD WHITE GUY: Wow!!! A lady concierge?! Niiiiiiiice.

Well That Escalated Quickly

COWORKER: Can I see your ID?
GUEST: You think I’m a fucking CRIMINAL?!?!?


GUEST: Japan Pony?
CONCIERGE: Excuse me?
GUEST: Japan Pony?
CONCIERGE: I don’t know what that is.
GUEST: Thank you for your kindness!

Doesn’t really narrow it down

“We want that gay play.”

Phone Spelling

CONCIERGE: How do you spell that?
GUEST: H, as in… Halliburton?

*Photo Source: Buena Vista Pictures*



  1. Hahahaha! I am going to start using “H, as in….Halliburton” immediately.

    A very good friend of mine used to work at the Mandarin Oriental in Columbus Circle and the stories she could tell were unbelievable. Someone once asked if a cheetah could be delivered to her room. When she was politely rebuffed, her response was “You certainly can get one from the Bronx Zoo. If Harry Winston loans diamonds, the zoo will certainly loan an animal for the night.”

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